I think we should observe a moment of silence to note with regret the gradual passing of the term "department" from the corporate nomenclature. Once the gold standard for describing various parts of an organization, "department" has fallen from grace. Part of this is because "department" is perceived as bureaucratic and reeking of government values, and no one wants to be perceived as bureaucratic and reeking of government values except the government. Another reason is that "department" has just become worn-out and tired from decades of use. Now it is headed toward the corporate vocabulary wastebasket, where it will join other worn-out terms such as "pension," "coffee break," "smoking area," and "career."

As "department" has fallen out of favor, cross-functional teams of creative innovators have worked feverishly to develop a newer term to replace it. And they've come up with a beaut: "competency center." This is the greatest advancement in organizational vernacular since "help desk." I could quibble that it would have added a neat Continental flair to spell it "centre," but "competency center" is still mighty impressive. What employee … er, "team member" ... would not be proud to tell someone that he or she works in a corporate competency center? By definition, its members must be competent and at the pinnacle of their profession. And the addition of "center" suggests that they work at the very heart of the organization, the place where all important and vital things are created before being circulated to the business's extremities. Once you begin to appreciate the linguistic excellence of "competency center," you can see why earlier suggestions including "competency remote satellite outpost," "adequacy center," and "proficiency place" were not operationalized.

In fact, the only thing that could possibly go wrong with "competency center" is Danbom's First Law of Organizational Linguistic Reciprocity, which states that the genius of one new term will engender a direct and proportional growth of other new terms, assuming an infinite pool of syllables. Put in simpler terms, "competency center" is so powerful that it immediately renders insubstantial the names of all the other parts of an organization. How would you feel if someone came up to you and asked, "Do you work in a competency center?" and you had to sheepishly and embarrassingly answer, "No. I'm in accounting." Even though you say "accounting," what the questioner hears is "something that isn't a center and isn't even competent."

So what will be the end result of this linguistic advancement? Other parts of the company will have to go off on ideation retreats and brainstorming missions and self-flagellation odysseys to come up with new names that match the verbal throw weight of "competency center." (This, by the way, is how "employment" became "human resources" and how "janitorial" became "facilities management.") So expect to soon have colleagues who work in "apex of pinnacle functions," "hubs of excellent proficiency," and "advanced competency centers."

Actually, there's another thing that also could happen. Danbom's Second Law of Organizational Linguistic Reciprocity states: The worthiness of a name is directly proportional to the perceived reality of the situation, given an infinite pool of syllables. This means that "competency center" will be an utter and complete failure unless it can meet a standard of, say, competence. If you put yourself out there as being competent, you'll be under the microscope, and everyone will be looking for signs that you aren't competent, such as if you attempt to open a new Office document with a shoehorn. If you are seen even once as being less than competent, "competency center" will be mocked and ridiculed by persons in the organization who are vocal and sarcastic. And that's my department, RIP.

Dan Danbom writes humor for a number of publications.His latest book is "Humor Meets Your Workforce: Make Laughter One of Your Organization's Goals."

Dan Danbom writes humor for a number of publications. His latest book is "Humor Meets Your Workforce: Make Laughter One of Your Organization's Goals."